


Bravado

by hawkster55



Series: ace!Fjord [3]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Asexual Character, Beau is trying to be a Good Bro, Episode 89, Episode Related, Fjord Has Issues (Critical Role), Friendship, Internalized Acephobia, Molly is a Good Bro, Very very brief rape allusion, ace!Fjord, very minor panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2019-12-27
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:02:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21980014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hawkster55/pseuds/hawkster55
Summary: "She doesn't need to look back to know the exact brand of skeptical expression that will inevitably be levelled her way. She doesn't need to, because they have saved each other's lives more times than she can do pull-ups, and because they have fought forces of untold evil and destruction together, and because they're bros.Beau is in serious breach of the bro code."In which Fjord and Beau finally talk to each other and they both finally talk about Jester.
Series: ace!Fjord [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1174400
Comments: 9
Kudos: 134





	Bravado

**Author's Note:**

> I miss the days when Fjord and Beau had time to chat shit on the reg :') anyway here's a sorely needed oneshot about the Fjord/Beau/Jester love triangle. Some of Fjord's experiences are just me trying to describe my own but I did my best to keep it in character.
> 
> WARNINGS:  
> Mild spoilers for episode 89 but overall ignores plot points tbh
> 
> Very quick/minor non-graphic panic attack, not written from the point of view of the person having it, skip from '"Fucking hell," Fjord says suddenly' to '"Do you really think I'm leading Jester on?"' if you don't want to read it
> 
> Very very quick blink-and-you'll-miss-it allusion to rape, skip from "And besides, they had been roommates" to "Right, okay, noted."
> 
> Honestly both of these are very minor but I though I'd list them just in case, message me if you want more information.
> 
> Also warning that Beau is being Beau and I love her but I can't imagine a world in which coming out to her as an unnamed sexuality she's never heard of isn't a little bit like pulling teeth.

Fjord's post-fight bravado would almost be funny, really, if he didn't look so crestfallen when Jester pretends to have been in the bathroom the whole time. In a rare display of tact that she reserves the right to be proud of later, Beau quickly grabs him by the arm that looks less beat up and steers him towards the bar, away from their friends, who are immediately distracted by Yasha's imminent fight. They haven't made it very far before she hears Fjord let out a pained kind of hiss as he wraps his spare hand around her wrist.

"Beau, can you please relax with the death grip," Fjord pleads. Beau frowns but lets him go, and immediately grabs him by the shoulders instead as he sways on the spot.

"Dude, I was just holding your arm. Are you sure you're okay?"

Fjord wordlessly extends his arm to display a series of nail marks where her hand has just been. 

"Are you sure you're okay?" he retorts, apparently unimpressed. Beau cringes internally. She had been thinking about Jester's blatant crush on Fjord. It's really bugging her that Fjord could possibly be so oblivious to their wonderfully bubbly (and seriously hot) cleric friend's advances; even if he wasn't interested (and why the hell would he not be?), he could at least tell Jester that and save her the effort. Maybe then she'd finally open her eyes and notice the other people in her party. Like, really notice them.

But now, judging by the newly-formed dents in Fjord's arm, it's dawning on Beau that she might be a tiny bit jealous.

That's not good. What kind of second mate gets jealous?

Beau becomes aware that Fjord's still watching her intently, trying to catch her gaze while she has a small terrible-friend crisis.

"Uh," she says intelligently. "Mai tai?"

He follows her as she makes a frenzied beeline for the bar and orders them both drinks. She doesn't need to look back to know the exact brand of sceptical expression that will inevitably be levelled her way. She doesn't need to, because they have saved each other's lives more times than she can do pull-ups, and because they have fought forces of untold evil and destruction together, and because they're bros.

Beau is in serious breach of the bro code.

"I have a massive crush on Jester," she blurts suddenly, turning around to confess but finding that Fjord is halfway across the room asking a couple if he can have the spare stools from their table. She groans and turns back to pick up the damn mai tais. The bartender gives her a sympathetic smirk. She pushes back through the crowd to join Fjord at the table he's found.

"I have a massive crush on Jester," Beau practically yells at him as soon as he's within earshot. "She's really fucking hot and perfect and totally wants to sleep with you, so I am begging you, stop just leading her on and do something about it so I can have closure and get back to mooning over Yasha instead."

Fjord blinks at her a few times. Beau distracts herself from panicking by smiling in what she hopes is an apologetic manner at the couple next to them. When she looks back at Fjord, he's a much paler shade of green than usual.

"Fjord," Beau hisses. "Say something. I'm shitting myself here."

"Uh," he says with visible effort. He takes a large gulp of mai tai. She nervously does the same.

"Come on," she says. "Since when do you get this tongue-tied? You practically ooze effortless charm and then whenever we talk about girls it's like you forget how to string words togethe-- oh shit, are you into guys? That explains so fucking much!"

Across the table, Fjord has his head in his hands.

"I'm not 'into guys'," he mutters. Beau notices distantly that he's shaking ever so slightly. To be fair, he did get beaten up less than five minutes ago, but something else seems off. She should do something, help him somehow.

"Oh," is what Beau says. "Look dude, I try not to judge but you gotta give me something to work with here."

Fjord peeks over the tips of his fingers at her warily. "I'm not into girls, either."

"Oh," Beau says again. "So you're, what, like Molly? No preferences? That's cool, man--"

"Fucking hell," Fjord says suddenly. "I'm not into anyone, Beau, and I have had a really shitty day and was really not expecting to have this conversation, so I'm begging you, back the fuck off before I forget how to breathe properly."

His voice cracks on the last word and there's a brief moment of silence in which Beau considers all the ways in which she is a terrible bro. The crowd goes eerily still as something equally dramatic happens in Yasha's fight. Beau doesn't have a spare two fucks to dedicate to Yasha's fight.

"Shit," she says once the power of speech has finally returned. "Shit, Fjord, man, I'm sorry, I was super nervous and I couldn't stop talking and I'll shut up now I swear."

He waves a hand at her, offering a weary thumbs up, and she sits opposite him in silence, waiting for him to regain control. The crowd around them are yelling something unintelligible. Someone knocks over Beau's mai tai and she doesn't even start a fight with them, that's how worried she is about Fjord.

"Do you really think I'm leading Jester on?" is the first thing that Fjord says once he's collected himself. He's looking at Beau like any answer she gives is going to hurt him and oh, boy, is she not designed for these kinds of conversations. She owes it to him to be honest, though, so she takes a deep breath and ploughs ahead.

"Well," she begins warily. "She flirts with you all the time and you've never discouraged her, you're always looking out for her, and even her mother specifically asked you to protect her and you never said anything. I’m pretty sure Nott ships it, too."

Fjord winces. "I suppose you're right."

"So you're not into her after all?" Beau presses, trying to keep the utterly inappropriate excitement out of her voice. Fjord shakes his head.

“I, uh, I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want our relationship to change. I convinced myself that she flirted like that with everyone and it didn’t mean anything, so I wouldn’t have to push her away because I can’t do what she wants.”

Beau frowns. “You know people get rejected all the time, right? It’s part of life. She’s a big girl, she can take it.”

Fjord offers a brittle smile. “I know that logically, but it doesn’t feel like the same situation. It’d be hard not to feel like something’s wrong with me if she took it badly.”

Beau takes a moment to think about the unexpected can of worms she’s opened in the last couple of minutes. This must have been bugging Fjord since forever, and she’d never even noticed that something was up. She’s still not sure she gets what he’s trying to tell her, at least not totally, but she would be a terrible bro if she didn’t try to understand better. Fjord’s definitely seeming to regain a little of his confidence, now that she’s clearly not going to freak out at the revelations he’s spewing, so she resumes her questioning.

“So if you’re not into girls or dudes, is that it? Are you not into anyone?”

“As Molly so eloquently put it, I don’t like sex,” he nods. Beau feels a tiny bit jealous that he’d confided in Molly and not her, and immediately feels bad because Molly was so clearly the right person to talk to about this, while she was so clearly the wrong one. And besides, they had been roommates.

“And when you fucked Avantika…?”

Fjord visibly flinches, and his grip on the table tightens.

“I’d been doing a decent job of not thinking about that,” he manages to say through gritted teeth. Beau curses her superhuman ability to put her foot in her mouth.

“Right, okay, noted,” she says quickly, trying to find a change of subject. “Have you talked to anyone else about this?”

“No,” Fjord replies, grasping the new topic eagerly. “Well, I had a bit of a breakdown back in Hupperdook and Molly found me and explained what I was feeling, which was a massive help, but I haven’t told anyone else. It never really came up.”

Beau smiles at that. “Damn, I miss Molly.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Fjord says, raising his mai tai in invitation before realising that hers is a puddle of smashed glass and cocktail umbrella on the floor. He raises an eyebrow at her and drinks his anyway. Beau looks at him, beat up and visibly exhausted, gulping down shitty cocktail in a shitty fight club having poured his heart out to her, and she stands up, walks around the table, and awkwardly wraps her arms around him from behind.

“Look, man, I’m sorry for being a shit about this,” she says. “I’ll be better, I’ll pay more attention, I’ll tell the others, I won’t tell the others, literally just tell me what to do and I’ll be there for you without question.”

Fjord puts his drink down and touches her arms. “It’s okay,” he says quietly. “I appreciate you listening. It’s been hard to find a quiet moment recently.”

“Amen to that,” Beau says. She pauses thoughtfully. “So does this mean I can hook up with Jester now?”

Fjord laughs at that, then winces and clutches at his side like he has a broken rib, which he probably does. Someone should probably look at that, but it’s not something Beau can help with.

“Please, Beau, for the love of the Wildmother, please fucking hook up with Jester already.”

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to love each other <3


End file.
